The “Millionaire/Grow-Up-and-Be-a-Man” Bachelor

Location: Drinks at Luma on Park Avenue at 7:30pm on a Wednesday night and walking around Park Ave.

Appearance: Dark Washed Jeans, Dress Shirt, and Blazer…appropriate for the date and location and quite appealing to the eyes.

Bachelor Statistics: 28, Divorced, Methodist, Finance Professor, Pilot’s License

The bachelor had asked me out for drinks at Luma but when we arrive at the restaurant he asks to sit in the dining room rather than the bar.  First thoughts…”This guy is going to feed me unlike the Nightmare “Kisser” Bachelor – woohoo!  This is already an improvement, ladies and gentlemen.”  At first impression, the bachelor appears good looking and nice and then he spoke…can we say b-o-r-i-n-g?  I’m pretty sure I thought this date was going to last for eternity….yawn, please put me out of my misery!  The bachelor had a very monotone voice which I can only envision his students flicking each other to stay awake.  He orders a bottle of wine for us…”Oh Yes Sweet Jesus, please get me all liquored up!  This is going to be a long night and I need something to keep this date interesting...hard liquor might be necessary as well….”  The bachelor is VERY proud of his financial stability informing me of his house that he purchased for a couple million…”Oh yes, let me jump his bones now that I know he has money!  Does he think I am that shallow? Apparently so…” He proceeds to ask about my opinions on family life, my thoughts on children, parenting styles, and my thoughts on being a stay at home mother.  The bachelor insisted that he wanted his wife to be a stay at home mother….”Sign me up! Money, no job, and kids…sounds like a dream to me…oh yeah, that means that I would have to spend time with this boring cocky guy…maybe I can convince him to build me a cottage in the backyard of his “mansion” like Marie Antoinette…ok, the wine must be talking.”  Although I’m not a feminist and I am all for being a stay at home mother, I’m not so sure this was the best first date conversation…give me a week or two then we can elope, discuss being a stay at home mother, then have some babies.

Throughout the conversation, our waitress continually stops by for chit-chat (but I could read her mind clearly as “order your damn food because this is an expensive restaurant and you are occupying one of my tables”).  I have now found another trait in a man that I like him to possess….initiative!  Every time the conversation would shift I could see the waitress pounce toward us like a lioness…. The bachelor wouldn’t take the initiative to communicate to the waitress so I had to tell her each time that we still hadn’t decided on our meal.  I see where this relationship is going….I would definitely be wearing the pants and I prefer wearing pretty dresses instead.  After the fourth time that the waitress approaches us, I finally ask the bachelor if we should order an appetizer and he agrees…can we all say thank you!  The waitress stops by two more times with no communication from the bachelor….it takes everything inside of me not to reach across the table and say “GROW UP AND BE A MAN!  Order the Damn Appetizer!”  Instead, I wait until the waitress approaches for the seventh time (I think we have now hit a new world record on the amount of attention from one waitress.) and I inform him (in front of the waitress) that I think we should order the appetizer NOW…yes, that pretty Lily Pulitzer dress I am wearing on this date is now on the bachelor and I am now wearing his pants…it’s like magical outfits…watch out Harry Potter here I come with magical clothing.  I have to say I was honestly not even that hungry since my expectation for the date was only drinks but come on lets reduce some first date awkwardness by just ordering food.  Listen up bachelors, if you sit in a restaurant and a waitress stops by multiple times and you aren’t planning to order food, just tell her!  It is one sentence…“I think we are just going to have wine tonight”…that would have been perfectly fine then there is no miscommunication/awkwardness/lurking waitress to pounce throughout the entire date…I should charge for this advice to men.  At least he did order us wine because it would have been unbearable without the alcohol….

It was a Wednesday night somewhere around 9:30pm and I was ready to end this date...2 hours of my life that I will never be able to get back!  However, the bachelor suggests walking around Park Avenue.  Not knowing how to end the date, I comply and pray that a meteor/sink hole/earthquake or some other rare natural disaster occurs in Orlando at that moment to end my misery.  After leaving the restaurant, he reaches for my hand and holds it tightly…my hand is now hostage, oh dear Lord please save me with a natural disaster.  Hand in hand, he takes me in and out of these cute little courtyards…this could have been romantic given that it was with any other guy.  When in a secluded courtyard, he pushes me (in an aggressive manner not a I’m going to rape you and kill you manner) up against a brick wall (first thoughts…ouch but at least he is “wearing the pants”) and kisses me…I could tell this was a kiss as he actually reached my mouth but bless his poor ex-wife’s heart, he is a bad kisser....obviously, this ended their marriage.  I’m not sure what type of crime his ex-wife did to have to actually voluntarily marry a bad kisser as her community service but it had to have been pretty bad.  This kiss does not touch the Nightmare "Kisser" Bachelor from June 2011 since I actually knew that this was a kiss but this bachelor is definitely a slobbery kisser.  Nightmare "Kisser" Bachelor and Millionaire/Grow-Up-and-Be-a-Man Bachelor are probably the two worst kissers in the city, state, and possibly country…maybe I should set up a charity on behalf of them to teach them how to kiss.  It will be my community service to the world....

 

Humorous Memorable Florida Dates Prior to Online Dating:

April 2011

On date #2, a bachelor took me to a local restaurant/bar.  He kept ranting and raving about how much I would enjoy the food and atmosphere so I was excited to arrive at this restaurant.  We walk in and all of the waitresses are wearing ass-less chaps.  Yes, you read that correctly…ass-less chaps!  Obviously, he knew my taste SOOOO well.  If I would have known the dress code, then I would have worn my ass-less chaps too…maybe next time.  To not embarrass him, I just pretended like I didn’t notice the women in scandalous attire since he thought I would “enjoy” the atmosphere (although it appeared as if he was enjoying the “atmosphere” more than I was).  Maybe he was trying to give me a hint…. 

Apparently, the restaurant was having "biker night" which doesn't occur on a regular basis.  From what little he knew about me from date #1 and a few phone conversations, he luckily knew I wouldn’t be comfortable in that setting and took me to an Irish pub instead where everyone was wearing appropriate clothing.  Maybe I should have suggested going to a restaurant with shirtless men as waiters….    

June 2011

I went on a blind date with a guy at an Italian restaurant.  He seemed nice, good looking, but a little full of himself.  We split an appetizer since he wasn’t hungry (he didn’t ask if I was hungry by the way and if he would have asked I would have said YES!).  We had a nice conversation to begin with then the creepy began….he asked if I trusted him (“ummm…NO, I just met you” but of course I said yes because that could have been awkward) then asks for my hand.  He holds my hand from across the table and is “trying” to be romantic but all I see is this creepy guy holding my hand.  He asks me “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” and it took everything in my body not to say “Hell, if I know! Now, give me back my hand and personal space.  Your hand is sweaty.”  But instead, I’m polite….shocker I know.  After a few bites of our measly little appetizer, he suggests we walk to the restaurant’s private deck that has a few couches under a gazebo.  It is just the two of us (along with some of your favorite four legged friends/insects) in the gazebo…oh the romance just continues…  Nothing says romance like practicing your core muscle exercises by holding your legs off the couch on the gazebo's deck so an insect won’t run across your foot!  After our “romantic” talk on the couch, he asks me once again if I trusted him (“ummm…NO!”) and before I could answer he leans in and “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HELP, HELP, I’m being ATTACKED!” is all I wanted to say.  After the “attack”, he has the guts to say “you’re a good kisser”.  What??????  That was a kiss??  Honestly, I had NO CLUE it was a kiss…I thought he was just trying to “bathe my chin with his saliva”.  I don’t wish that “kiss” on ANYONE!  He had informed me that he dated someone for multiple years…bless her heart.  She obviously had alot of service hours she had to complete for her charity organization....I can imagine that has to be the worst volunteer hours she has ever done.  He was almost 40 and had never been married.  Ladies and gentlemen, the mystery has been solved!  We all know why he isn’t married now…I am still having nightmares and cringe at the thought of that “attack/kiss”!  This guy needs to learn how to kiss….it is just poor manners to “kiss” anyone in that manner.  Maybe there is a self-help book on “How to Kiss 101” or “How Not to Swallow a Chin when Kissing 101”….

A day in the life of...a bachelorette....a traveler....a woman.

As the Beatles say “All you need is love” but finding love to me has been more of an adventure, bumpy ride, rollercoaster of an experience with lots of humor along the way ….

Moving to a new and exciting destination seemed like a great opportunity but one downside is meeting people.  Putting myself out there has always been a bit difficult but I have definitely been trying to break out of my shell.  A few years ago, I moved to Florida which has been such a wonderful blessing.  I have experienced so many opportunities that I wouldn’t have had I not moved to Florida. 

 

At the end of the day, sometimes it's all about finding yourself in this rollercoaster ride of life ....

Since my move to Florida, I have become a stronger, confident, and more independent woman than I have ever been before.  This personal growth has allowed me to OWN my life rather than living a “monotonous automatic pilot” of a life.  In September 2011, I gained enough courage, strength, and independence to travel alone to my dream destination of Italy.  Until I landed in Rome, I couldn’t believe that I had actually taken that huge leap of faith to travel alone abroad to a destination that I could have only dreamt of visiting one day.  I believe that my trip to Italy started an even bigger personal transformation of “you can do anything that you put your mind to” attitude which assisted me when I took my first flight lessons (another experience that I can proudly cross off my life list).  After I returned from Italy, I was having drinks with two of my Florida girlfriends and they suggested online dating to me.  I’ll be honest…I was disgusted by the idea.  How unromantic were my first thoughts!  But I have to remind myself that unfortunately I am not in the middle of a beautiful romantic comedy (or faux reality show like the Bachelorette)…this is called reality!  With living in an unfamiliar area and having no clue where and how to meet others of like mind, I figured I would give this online dating thing a shot.  Because my two Florida girlfriends inspired/motivated me to join the world of online dating, I “forced” them to be involved in every move I took (probably partially to keep myself sane).  I blogged to them via email on all my step by step moves in this “game” called online dating.  After telling them story after story, I became more comfortable with the idea of being an “online dater” and started telling others the many humorous and interesting stories of my dating life.  After having many of my friends tell me that I needed to start a blog about my “dating life”, I decided “why not?”  I have been online dating on and off since October 2011 and there have been quite a few interesting and/or humorous stories so I will rehash all of my “dating adventures/escapades” one story at a time then start blogging on a regular basis with current “prospects” as well as any new and exciting experiences/adventures that are occurring in my life.

Welcome to the good, the bad, and the ugly of the “glamorous” and modern life of online dating…let the excitement begin….